With the Patriots on a bye week it gave me an opportunity to explore some of my other interests and hobbies….such as college football. As I watched the NCAA football season come to close last night one thing really stood out to me; there were a whole lot of A+ names on that field. This was just a sneak peek into players that could be tomorrow’s Ha-Ha Clinton Dix or Captain Munnerlyn.
HONORABLE MENTIONS: Hilarious names in their own right but hurt by the fact that they didn’t play a single snap in the game. I just googled the rosters and these names JUMPED off the page.
Hootie Jones – Alabama TE (DNP)
If his teammates aren’t dropping Hootie & the Blowfish references around this guy then there is something seriously wrong with that locker room.
Frank Sinkwich IV – Georgia OL (DNP)
Helped by the fact that he is the 4th of his namesake. I can just picture Frank Sinkwich Jr and Frank Sinkwich III sitting in the stands hoping and praying that coach Kirby gives him a chance.
FIRST TEAM STARTERS: These are star players whose performances impacted the game and whose names have become (or will become) synonymous with their programs. The names might have lost some of their zip due to exposure but all are hilarious nonetheless.
Sony Michel – Georgia RB (14 carries 98 yds)
Interesting that his parents chose to name him Sony when Panasonic is a far more reliable brand. I like to think he is a walking advertisement and that his parents get royalties from Sony ever time his name is mentioned on national TV. I wonder if I could sell my child’s naming rights? Progressive Auto Insurance Brown…kinda has a ring to it.
Nick Chubb – Georgia RB (18 carries 25 yds)
The second half of the all-star Georgia backfield. Known more affectionately by his friends and family as Nick “Half” Chubb. Give him enough touches and you might have to start calling him Nick “Full” Chubb.
Tua Tagovailo – Alabama QB (14/24 162 yds 3 TDs)
Bursting onto the scene in the CFP finals, Tua follows a strong pedigree of quality Polynesian names. One only hopes that Tua can follow in the footsteps of legendary New England Patriot Mosi Tatupu (pictured below). Certainly a star in waiting.
RUNNER UP: He would likely be the MVP in any other game but this isn’t any other game, this is the college football playoff championship presented by AT&T.
Rodrigo Blankenship – Georgia K (3/3 FGs)
Possibly the most well rounded candidate on the list as he checks all 3 ranking categories. Awesome name? Check. Clutch performance? Check (suck it Pappanastos) Absurd image? CHECK. Look at this guy. The goggles. The mustache. The neck beard. He has it all. Que bueno Rodrigo!
MVP(s): For the first time in BrownBros college football playoff championship funny name rankings we have co-MVPs. A decision that is steeped in controversy and will surely light the sports world abuzz. But not a decision that one can easily argue.
Isaiah Buggs – Alabama DL (5 tackles 1 TFL) & Henry Ruggs III – Georgia WR (3 catches 29 yds 1 TD)
Buggs and Ruggs. Buggs and mother fucking Ruggs. Insects and Carpets baby. Everytime I say it out loud it brings a smile to my face. At first glance I thought they were brothers but turns out it is just a beautiful coincidence. You think Isaiah calls him Hank Ruggs? What I would have done to have Chris Berman call this game goddamit. ROLL TIDE indeed.
NOTE: In my previous cubicle job we had to work with a lot of customer from all around the world. We started keeping a funny name HOF folder where we logged the best names we came across. Some of the first ballot HOFs in the industry.
- Clara Poon
- John Butzigger
- Kurt Guggenburger