Step 1: Learn that there was an Arena League Football team called the LA Kiss with the namesake and branding rights from the band Kiss.
Step 2: Google “LA Kiss” and discover that the uniforms are the gaudiest, fire-flame unis these eyes have ever laid eyes on.
Step 3: Watch all ten episodes of the AMC show “4th and Loud” on Amazon Prime documenting the inaugural season of the LA Kiss. (far too much to unpack in just this blog alone)
Step 4: Decide the need for an LA Kiss jersey. Google “LA Kiss jersey for sale”. Click on first link.
Step 5: Imagine the possibilities of a full Kiss outfit. Google “Kiss pants”.
Step 6: Refine search to “Kiss band pants”. Click on first link.
Step 7: Click on “Related Products”. Rabbit hole deepens. 88% off. Marked down from $78. Consider purchasing. Save item for later.
Step 8: Interest in Kiss merchandise has officially been piqued. Google “Kiss funny merchandise”.
Step 9: Click first link.
Step 10: Click second link.
Click 11: Click third link.
Step 12: Click fourth link.
Step 13: Decide to further investigate the casket to see if this is actually a real product you can buy. This cannot be a real product you can buy.
Step 14: Discover that not only is it a real product you can buy but it has a name, the “Kiss Kasket” which, naturally, has its own dedicated Wikipedia page:
Step 15: Skim the Wikipedia article. Learn that Dimebag Darrell, the guitarist from Pantera, was buried in a Kiss Kasket.
Step 16: Click Dimebag Darrell wiki-link to see how he died.
Step 17: Read the following account of his murder:
On December 8, 2004, Damageplan [Dimebag’s other band] was performing at the Alrosa Villa nightclub in Columbus, Ohio. As the band played the first song of its setlist, Nathan Gale, a deranged fan, rushed onto the stage and shot Abbott multiple times with a Beretta 92FS, a 9mm semi-automatic pistol.[104] The band’s head of security, Jeffrey “Mayhem” Thompson, then tackled Gale, but was fatally shot in the ensuing struggle. A fan, Nathan Bray, was also murdered as he attempted to aid Abbott and Thompson, as was Erin Halk, an employee of the venue who tried to disarm Gale while he was reloading. Three others were wounded before Columbus police officer James Niggemeyer entered the club and shot Gale once in the head with a 12-gauge Remington Model 870, killing him.
And that, my friends, is when you realize you have gone too far down the internet rabbit hole. You started by googling uniforms you could laugh at, and the next thing you know you are reading about a quadruple homicide by a deranged fan that ends with the murderer shot in the head with a 12-gauge shotgun.
Step 18: Close browser. Take cold shower. Masturbate shamefully in shower.
